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Monday, December 20, 2010

I am an Only and All I want is an Only (child that is)

I have been saying the same thing for a long time and everyone keeps telling me that I will change my mind but I am telling everyone right now I don’t want any more children. I am very very happy with my one and only Daylan. I am not really sure why everyone thinks that just because I am a mom that I automatically want to have a gaggle of children running around me.

I love my son to death but I also love my life and my freedom and individuality. I love taking trips with my girlfriends every year and going out with my friends on occasion. I am seriously loving the fact that Daylan is getting older and is potty trained and I don’t have to spend the extra money on diapers and don’t even get my started on formula. I don’t miss any of those things.

I know some people will say but don’t you just love babies and the truth of the matter is NO! I really don’t I am not a fan of babies they all do the same thing which is a lot of nothing. They wake in the middle of the night, they require constant care and they are not that entertaining. Now if you told me that I could have an instant 3 or 4 year old then I may reconsider because I love my son at this age he can talk to me, he can go and get things out of the fridge for himself, I can reason with him, he does things that make me laugh, he can feed himself, brush his teeth clean up after himself and all the other things that don’t require my assistance. But I wouldn’t for the life of me go back to when he was a baby. I remember calling my mom after I had him and saying he doesn’t do anything he is so boring, I am bored out of my mind. I told her I wish he could talk or walk or do something interesting besides lay there and stare at me all day.

Most days I spent dressing him up in different outfits every 30-45 mins and taking pictures of him and sending them to all my friends that were at work. I can safely say that I have well over 5,000 pictures all taken in a 3-4 month span. I couldn’t wait to get back to work because honestly I was going crazy sitting at my house with him all day just staring at me. Finally my little bundle of boredom started to get interesting he started walking and talking and things actually got fun and enjoyable but up until then I felt like the baby stage was never going to end.

Now don’t get me wrong all you moms out there that love all your millions of jillions of kids its just not the life I want. I want to be able to do things for my one and only just like my parents did for me and yes I was a one and only and I had and still do have a great life. I honestly don’t know how I would have turned out if I would have had a sibling but I am sure happy that I never had to share my parents with anyone and Daylan doesn’t have to share me with anyone either. Your probably thinking what you can do with one you can do with more but honestly if you have a ton of kids the logistics of going on vacations and even having time for yourself becomes very difficult. When was the last time you saw a family of 4 or 5 take a trip overseas that they didn’t have to finance on credit (actually most of America without kids are in this boat but that’s another topic), or pay for everyone of their children’s college educations, or buy their kids first cars, or be at everyone one of their kids activities (we all know that some activities are at the same time so one parent is at one and the other is at another). All I am saying is that while my son is still in my care I want all my focus and attention and efforts to just be on him not divided between multiple children doing multiple things. I want to be able to take him on overseas adventures so that he can become cultured through experiences not just looking at something online or in school, I believe children need encounter and understand different cultures. I want to be at everything and I want to be able to be able to fill in where any scholarships fall short when he goes to college. I want to buy him that first car because that is what my parents did for me (actually they got me more than one but that is an entirely different story). And in doing all those things I don’t want to go broke doing it I want to be able to do it comfortably and with one child I won’t be struggling (which is a lesson with in itself about not leaving beyond one’s means).

Onlies are not selfish unless you make them that way but that goes for any child. Daylan understands that he has to share and has impeccable manners that most adults don’t even have but once again this can be a case of the only child. Only children spend a good amount of time with adults and learn early how to communicate with older individuals. I remember having tons of older women friends because I enjoyed being around them and I felt comfortable talking to them. I believe that there are many advantages to being and having an only child. I am not opposed to big families I just feel that others shouldn’t impose their longing for big families on me when I don’t want one.

Here are the things I have heard as to why I should have another child.

1. Daylan needs someone to play with: Well people that is what school is for he can play with all the friends he wants and then they can go home to their own parents or a dog could be helpful at least if I get tired of it I can give it away.

2. Daylan has to learn to share: You can learn to share without having siblings believe me I am proof.

3. You’re just going through a phase you will want more: How can you tell me that I am going through a phase I know myself better then you know me and I don’t want any more children why isn’t that okay?

4. If you meet the right person you will want to have children with them: Well here is my ideal of the right person one that loves my son Daylan as his own and doesn’t want any more kids. So what do you say to that?

Okay so my rant about having any more kids should clearly spell out to anyone that wants to convince me to have more to stop pressuring me. You guys have all the kids you want and I will stick to my one and tell you how cute your kid is and sigh a breath of relief that I am not you (but not in a mean way just in I am glad I only have one kid kind of way).


Vivian said...

I agree, when you know your limit, you know, and no one else can decide that for you. Plenty of people are happy with what they have =) Sometimes I think I could be happy with just BG1 but then I know I have to have more, and that works for me =)

Christina said...

I think it's awesome that you know what you want...I just don't. I love my two but it's a lot harder now than it was with just my daughter. Some days I feel 100% certain I am done and others I crave just one more. I wish I could just make up my mind and know myself and what I want as much as you do!

Danielle said...

You know when I was married I thought about having another baby but not for myself for my husband and now I look up and I am divorced and you have been pretty pissed if I would have had a baby with him.

But the only reason I was going to have a baby was for him not because I actually wanted one which I feel is completely the wrong reason.

I think what I out of my career trumps my desire to ever have another baby. I love the one that I have but I want a career and I want to be able to travel and take my son all over the world. I don't think that I could put the same dedication behind the things that I want If I have more then one child.

Lua said...

I'm an only child but I always wanted siblings. My parents always said "we have ONE and we want to do it right" LOL I have ONE kiddo right now and eventually I hope to have more, but that's not set in stone. I like being able to give him 110% of my attention and ultimately he wants for NOTHING since he doesn't have to share. [haha] I added you to my blog roll & subscribed via e-mail. Look fwd to reading more!

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