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Saturday, January 1, 2011

Whats Love Got to Do With It?

happy valentines day - pink gerbera with a hea...Image by Vanessa Pike-Russell via Flickr
Disclaimer: Don’t be too sensitive and keep an open mind when reading this post maybe you will disagree but hey it’s your opinion and that is okay by me.  Leave a comment of disapproval if you like as well I don’t mind.  

Disclaimer for my Mother:  This post is totally not a post about me getting with an old man...hahaha I promise but if I do find me an cavalier older man you will be the first to know...such an inside thing between me and my mom.  Okay mom just breath don't worry I haven't turned into Anna Nicole Smith just yet. 

So let’s start this year off with a bang.  This post has been festering inside me for a little while now and I have just been trying to find the right words so that it actually makes sense to the rest of the world like it makes sense to me.

I guess I will start from the beginning because that’s the best place to begin…(RIGHT?!?!?).   Well actually I will give you the cliff notes version.  I reconnected with an old co worker on Facebook, talked to him for about a month, invited him on a trip to Vegas, then a month later married him, oh wait let me back up just a notch. Invited him on a trip to Vegas, talked about getting married about a day or two after leaving Vegas, did the whole talking to the family thing, two days before the day I was going to be married found out he knocked up an old girlfriend during our whirlwind love affair, married him anyway (don’t ask), packed up my two year old moved to California, bones kept falling out of the closet (not mine) and end up divorced on our 1 year anniversary.  That pretty much sums up my the latter part of 2009 up to 2010 so now I can get into the meat and potatoes of this post on Love or really the reason I’m not looking for it.

Love by definition is strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (straight from Websters dictionary that is) basically nowhere in the definition does it talk about respect, loyalty or honesty its just a strong affection.  I have a strong affection for a lot of things pizza, Arizona green tea, ranch dressing, stilettos (the list really goes on and on) but needless to say love falls short,  a strong affection isn’t a promise to do the right thing or to tell you the truth and protect you from harm.  Its just a strong affection.  

Now you’re thinking okay so she doesn’t believe in love or she has this love thing all wrong.  I am not saying I don’t believe in love I am just saying love is something that can be handed out all over the place.  I love tons of things and tons of people (actually I love all people, you know like mankind) but that being said here are some things that are exclusive Respect , Loyalty and Trust. Respect ,Loyalty and Trust are three things that I don’t offer to everyone, one has to really prove themselves worthy in order to gain my respect and to gain my loyalty and my trust.  

So when I say that I am not looking for love I am looking for all the things that love leaves out I don’t need someone to just have a strong affection for me.  I need someone that respects me for who I am and that I can respect, I need someone that is loyal and knows what team they are playing for (if there with me then my team is the only team) and someone that can be trusted without a shadow of a doubt to keep their promises and to tell the truth even if a lie is easier to swallow. 

 I don’t need someone cowering behind what they think love is because love just isn’t enough for me.   I always think back to the title of this move There’s a Thin Line Between Love and Hate.  Well baby I am here to tell you Danielle isn’t walking any tightropes so you can keep your love just make sure you Respect me, are Loyal to me and are worth it for me to Trust you and we will be good and of course I will love you (Remember I love all mankind)!  

So I am going to rock in my New Year with my baby in tow and if a good man stumbles upon my feet  (because that happens like everyday) maybe I will hand him a copy of this post so he will know what it takes to play on this team there are of course many other qualifying factors but these are three of the most important things to me.  

Disclaimer to the Disclaimer: So now your thinking I am a complete crazy woman well not really I just thought the disclaimer made the post that much more interesting…hahaha

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Elizabeth Newlin said...

I don't think you're crazy. Life is drama. And I honestly agree with you. The notion of 'love' isn't nearly encompassing enough to be what you need to make a marriage and a life together work. I love the Beatles, but I think they were wrong. 'All you need is Love' and respect and loyalty and a mutual desire to see past the crap that piles up in life that you want to blame on each other because there's no one else around. I've been married almost 9 years and I feel strongly that the only way it has lasted this long is because my husband and I both wake up every day and make a conscious decision to continue to be together (even when we kind of hate each other). It's not romantic, but it's the truth.

Danielle said...

Thank You so much Elizabeth for that because you know popular culture has us thinking that love solves all the problems and that life should be one big romantic comedy when the truth of the matter is a marriage and relationship are hard work that require so much more then just love to survive.

Kimberly said...

You are right. There is a lot more to love in a relationship. Love is defined in so many ways.... I love Starbucks...I love my teacher because she was awesome...I love scrapbooking etc. But in a man and woman relationship, love encompasses so much more. It's deep, diverse and complicated.
Loves a tricky thing ;)

shannon717717 said...

I couldn't find your email on your blog so I'm leaving my comment here,hope you don't mind.

I have tried to follow your blog via networked blogs but your button only shows 14followers.For some reason my picture won't show up as one of your followers.
shannpf1977 at yahoo dot com

Anonymous said...

I just want to comment on your blog. Elizabeth I understand what you are saying and I applaud you for working through it when you feel like you want to give up. especially in a time when giving up hasn't been easier, so I see that in a sense as you believe in love...the deeper essence of it? The love that makes you wake up in the morning and say I hate my husband but I married him for a reason, and that reminds me I have more than just a strong affection. Kimberly I understand and agree with what you are saying it is different betwen a man and a woman. I see Love as a strong affection as according to webster. However, I love pizza, and can eat it everyday, but I cut back on pizza because it's not healthy. I'm practically forcing myself to chose something else. When You love someone inherently in your heart and your being, the love between a man and a woman, you don't just give it up because it's becoming hard. it's so much more than just a word to me. I love my family, and friends. It's differnt to how I love my partner or spouse. But when I chose to marry someone and tell them I love them. it's more than a strong affection. It's a comittment, it's an endearment just like the vows for better or worse. It's caring, it's sacrifice. It's doing things that you wouldn't do for the regular person. I guess it matters differently to everyone, the thing is to find out what it means to the one whom you love and who loves you. So what does love have to do with it? Everything... Because you don't like someone enough to committ to them. It is the qualities you hold dear that you see in the person you chose to be in a relationship with that makes you "fall in love". I love many but I'm not in love with just any. Just my two cents. Agree to disagree I guess.

Glenda said...

What a Poweful Post and I agree Whats LOVE Got To Do With It?

I'm just the MOM said...

You are so not crazy! Life really is drama whether people want to admit to it or not.
I'm you newest follower from Bloggy dare and wanted to show some love:) Can't wait to read more.

Anonymous said...

The post states "what does love have to do with it" I would have to agree with a pervious comment by Anonymous it should have been "everything".

Peyton's Mom said...

You are bold for putting it out there. Relationships are difficult and bottom line you have to "Do You"! Good luck in everything.


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