My Son is Driving Me Insane by Robin Merrill

Image by Getty Images via @daylife
My son is driving me insane. Does this make me a bad mom? Probably.

He is about two weeks shy of turning two, and he has learned that I love him and that he
can manipulate me in any way that he pleases. He is just so beautiful, my heart melts to
look at him. When I get angry, he will tilt his head to the side and smile, and my heart
will soften and I won’t be angry anymore. And he knows this.

How did this happen? How did I become a puppet of a handsome two year old?

He is an innocent little cuddle bug unless I go anywhere near my computer. Then he
turns into a crafty little bully. I no longer work outside the home, but I do, very much,
work inside the home. I need to spend time on my computer, or we will all starve. But of
course, he doesn’t understand this. He sees the computer as his only competition.

His grandmother bought him an ornament for Christmas. This particular ornament takes
the shape of a reindeer’s butt, and when you squeeze this butt, the ornament farts to the tune of Jingle Bells. (I tell you, they gang up on me.) Right this instant, as I type these words, he is trying to shove the deer butt in my face, and I’ve been listening to a farting Jingle Bells on repeat for about 15 minutes. Sure, I could take it away from him, but he would just move on to the next strategic annoyance, and I’m afraid it could be worse than the farting, so I deal. The only way to make him stop is to get off the computer.

Yesterday he colored the walls with crayons. When I went to take the crayon away from him, he ate it and then laughed in my face. When I went to scoop the crayon bits from his mouth, he bit me. Later, I wiped crayon bits from his butt.

He climbs on everything: couches, hutches, stoves, countertops, tables, and hanging
plants. A pack n’ play cannot contain him. He just laughs at the crib. Sometimes I’m
tempted to bring the carseat inside and strap him in and just plop him in the middle of the living room and walk away.

Ack! Does this happen to the rest of you? Of course, I work when they nap, and I work at night, but I need to work about 8 hours a day in order to make ends meet, so I need to be working at some point while my children’s eyes are open.

If you are reading this, then you are probably a mother who spends some time on a
computer. Please. Tell me how you do it.