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Thursday, January 20, 2011

Dating While Constipated

Ex-Lax: The Chololated LaxativeImage by voteprime via Flickr

Disclaimer:  Do not attempt to date while constipated this could cause serious side effects like mood swings, arguments, vomiting and nose bleeds (okay maybe not nose bleeds but what the hell if you get that backed up it could make your nose bleed but I doubt it).

When you are alone and not dating or are married things like constipation really don't seem to even matter because you can just pop a laxitive and call it a day but since I have been back in the world of dating this very thing came to my mind and I know you all are thinking that this is so random but for me its not I have been trying to schedule taking a laxative for like a week now.

Here is the issue when you are seeing someone and you haven't been seeing them for all that long you don't really want to have to excuse yourself every five minutes to make trips to the restroom.  I am seriously trying to figure out how to one goes about deciding when they will take a laxative.   This has been me I go to the laxative sitting there nicely with all my other medicines and I see that it could take 6-12 hours before it would work and then I have to start mapping out where i will be in 6-12 hours and figure out if it will interfere with my job or my social life and up until today it has interfered with both so here I sit waiting for a good day to take that little chocolate bar of relief (ex-lax)  but no one day works into my schedule.
I am at the point now that I believe that I am going to have to take a day off just so that I can take this stupid laxative.    Sorry if you all are completely offended by my dilemma but seriously what am I suppose to do I mean I am going on leave for 3 weeks in February should I just wait until I get to my parents house to take it I am sure they would appreciate that tremendously.

Why does no one ever talk about these type of things you see articles and they talk about leaving a toothbrush at your guys house or how to be sexy and impress him but all the while there are a bunch of people walking around constipated and bloated trying to figure out when would be a good time to relieve all of this when you are spending all this time with another person that you don't want to totally gross out.

Well I am sorry to say that I have no answers for you but if you have some answers as what I can do please let me know or if you just want to tell me how I gave you all TMI then you can do that to but what is a girl to do when dating while constipated.

Please keep in mind people that I am in the Coast Guard and have lived on a boat and shared a bathroom with 20 other women with only 2 stalls so I am not the least bit embarrassed about these type of conversations but I also know that everyone hasn't been living on a boat in the middle of the ocean having to crap and shower in front of other people so I don't want to be to unladylike while dating.

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The Pilot's Wife said...

You know, You are not the only one who has ever been in this situation so do not feel alone!!! I hear you!!! I have been there!!! Nothing worse than the exlax hangover. You think your done, then you eat something or drink somthing only to find your stomach cramping up and screaming B*@C# GET ME TO A BATHROOM! You can always tell your new beau you have duty!!! I mean you are in the Coast Gaurd, you do pull duty, yes? I always said I had a migraine, but I get those and now I'm married, so I just tell him he has been warned to stay out of what ever bathroom I have just left!

Anna, The Pilot's Wife
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lfhpueblo said...

Hahahaha, no answers here.
Just tell the guy you need a day off for girly personal reasons.
They'll just think you have really bad cramps and are probably in a mood they wouldn't want to be around anyways.
They don't need to know it's for a different kind of cramping.

Danielle said...

Thank You ladies you both had some great ideas.

I actually finally took it and apparently the six hour thing isn't standard because that thing kicked in 2 hrs later so I am glad that I wasn't with anyone because that could have been very very embarrassing but then again I am sitting here writing about it so I guess it wouldn't have been that bad or I just don't care...lol

olympia gold said...

Thank you so much for a well written, easy to understand article on this. It can get really confusing when trying to explain it – but you did a great job. Thank you!
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