Thursday, December 23, 2010
There are often times or situations that snap me back into the reality that I am a single mom and that we are in this big house alone. Tonight was one of those nights. The days events were a bit shaky leaving me uncertain as to what the night would hold. I was sitting thinking of my post for tomorrow while watching Kendra on E! when out of no where my doorbell began to ring frantically.
I looked at the clock and wondered why anyone would be at my door at this time of night. I was visibly shaken and proceeded to my door with caution and looked out of my peephole. The only thing that I could see was a dark figure standing there, I had forgot to turn on the light and it was pitch black outside not to mention in this part of California the fog makes it hard to see just about anything. I was informed earlier today to steer clear of opening the door or answering certain phone calls so I heeded the warning and ran up my stairs to my 3 year olds room just waiting for him to leave.
I had my phone in my hand and proceeded to call my mother in order to get up the courage to walk back downstairs into a room that was completely exposed by windows and lacked curtains. Every bump made me more nervous but my mom reassured me that she would stay on the phone as I proceeded to cover the window with sheets. It never hit me until that moment that a divorce can be a very dangerous thing you never truly know what the other person is thinking or why they choose to do things when and how they do them.
I know that my ex is in no way the violent type but I also know that you can never underestimate a person that has experienced a tremendous heart break. While I was hanging the sheets and talking to my mom I got a text saying that he had just left Daylan's gifts on the porch for the life of me I couldn't understand why he would need to come to my house in the middle of the night to leave my son's gifts we work in the same place and he could have easily left the gifts in my office with no problem but like I said you never know where a person is in their train of thought and how they are truly processing the break up.
I where my emotions out in the open and on my sleeve you know if I am sad, happy, mad and angry I am not one to internalize them but we are different people and we handle things very differently. My mom suggested that I call the police department and have them do a quick walk through of my back yard just to make sure that everything was okay and to give me some peace of mind. I went ahead and called them and in less then 5 mins they were at my house making sure that I was okay so a big thank you is in order to SRPD they reassured me that I did the right thing calling them and if I heard anything else they would come right back.
I am a nervous wreck and want nothing more than to go to sleep but I don't think sleep will come so easy tonight because every little bump in the night sends me back into panic mode. I know that if I were closer to my family I wouldn't feel so vulnerable but I have no one here and I feel isolated even though I have neighbors all around me.
I am going to make it a point this week to get the contact information for my neighbors so that I am not so out here on a limb. I never would have imagined this would be my life and that the marriage that I wanted would turn so quickly into a divorce and then in to me sitting in my house scared of every sound that I hear but I guess life has a way of teaching us valuable lessons and I am just glad that the only thing he left behind on that doorstep were presents for Daylan.