Tuesday, November 9, 2010
(Single, Sassy and loving it in pregnancy and even right after giving birth 4 months to be exact. I cut my hair, threw on a my old maternity shirt, turned it into a dress and headed out on the town)
So this post has been bottled up inside me for a long time but I think it is truly time to get it out and just put it all out on the line for you all. I not so recently realized that marriage is not for everyone and that sometimes being single is not such a bad thing. I also realized that just because I am a single mom doesn’t mean I have to have people pity me and feel sorry for my child because he doesn’t have a daddy in the house (as a note all men are not created equal in terms of fathering so in some cases children may be better off with just mom).
Anyone that knows me well knows that I always stated “I will never get married because I don’t need the headache”. I told everyone this regardless of if they knew me or not. I was dead set on raising my son and having an excellent career while traveling the world and showing my son how great life could be. I never felt the need to have a man around because I was a strong woman who was given the power to do anything that I wanted to do and to do it well. I think my parents and the streets made me tough and resourceful. I was a wild child a real thrill seeker during my teenage years but in the beginning I got burned enough to smarten up and learned how to really survive. I would call myself a bit of a survivalist only because I have been thrust into many situations and have always made my way out of it only to be even stronger , tougher and smarter (there are so many skills you can never learn from a book). Now don’t get me wrong I have the book smarts to compliment the street smarts.
So now knowing all of this about me you should have gathered I am a pretty independent person (also an only child so I like my own company and don’t require a lot of other people to validate me or entertain me). This is what led me to the conclusion that I didn’t want to get married and I wanted to raise my son by myself.
But of course life happens and throws you a curve ball and all those things you are thinking go out the window and you find yourself married and you look in the mirror and you say “WHY DID I DO THIS, WAS I SMOKING CRACK THAT DAY?” Your thinking to yourself my life was great before. I was on my own time, doing my own thing, raising my baby the way I wanted to, I took vacations every year with my friends, I would go and come like I wanted, I didn’t have to give a rundown of my agenda and the time I was going to return to anyone and a whole host of other things. Now you ladies who are married and are loving it kudos to you this is merely my opinion of my own life.
So in the middle of my marriage I realized I was right and that I shouldn’t have gotten married my life was my kind of perfect when I was a single mom not everyone’s perfect but my kind and I loved it. When I was single there was no one to fight with, or ignore, there was just me and my son. I think I got lost in a dream that transformed into a nightmare. I was miserable my life wasn’t my own anymore there was this other person that just didn’t get it. There was always something wrong with how I did something, or I was at the grocery store to long, or I was too independent. Well excuse me for existing, so I stuck it out a few months and I said to hell with it. This is where my survival instinct and problem solving skills kicked into high gear. If someone is miserable and they are always complaining then maybe they need to pack their stuff and live somewhere else…see problem solved. Well long story short on that he went on his way, we tried to work it out didn’t work, round and round we went and it’s done.
Now back to me I felt so empowered by the fact that I wasn’t scared to be alone that I actually knew that I could do this by myself because I am Danielle and I have survived much harder things than this. I realized that I didn’t need a man to feel complete I had everything I needed I had my life, my family and my son. I didn’t need the complications of a marriage that was tainted by so much turmoil drama and chaos. I love the peace of coming home taking a nap, getting up going to pick up my son, relaxing, laughing at him , enjoying the moments of being a mom, then putting him to bed and enjoying my time to myself.
I am not saying that some time down the road I won’t find someone but I am in no hurry for that to happen. I am my own woman, I am independent, I don’t do dishes ( I use the dishwasher), I like to take naps, I aspire to be successful, I have crazy amounts of energy, I love to dance and I enjoy just being me straight up and drama free.